It all started a long time ago in a library in Roswell, Georgia. I was 10 years old, browsing biographies. I chose a book on Jane Addams and Hull House. That book was my introduction to social work, social justice, and unions. Fifty-plus years later, I realized that the book was my first exposure to the idea of agency – well before I knew the meaning of the word.

Fast forward to 2004. I’m standing in my kitchen, temper boiling over because I just cannot get traction for the non-profit I want to create to increase the odds that non-English speaking students, particularly from second and third world countries, would graduate from high school.

I take off my shoe, pound it on the island in the middle of my kitchen, screaming “This is going to f*****g work!”

And it did.

Agency is Our Birthright

Look. Agency isn’t something you earn. Agency is the birthright of every human being. It’s rooted in the fundamental understanding that we can affect change. It’s evident in this statement,  “I can do something about this situation.” It holds that we have the ability to influence our own outcomes – and the outcomes of others.

When we think “I can do something about this,” it’s the beginning of agency. Then, when we think, and say out loud, “I’m going to do something,” we fully step into our agency.

Unfortunately, there are systems in place (starts with a “p” ends with a “y”) that are engineered to strip agency from people, particularly those who are othered.

Fortunately for everyone, there’s a whole cadre of leaders dedicated to helping the others reclaim their agency. Because … birthright.

The Rest of the Story

In spring 2004 – I can’t believe it’s been 22 years – I was working as a volunteer to get our elementary school newsletter translated into 4 or 5  languages (of the 8 spoken in our school). I was invited to attend a workshop on helping English Language Learners succeed in school. I learned something that day that changed my life – students who entered middle school as non-fluent English speakers with non-fluent English speaker parents had basically NO chance of graduating from high school.

I literally said to myself screamed internally (think “the scream”): “No. Not here. I can change this.”

So, I worked on creating a non-profit, called Graduate!, to address the problem. I tried and tried, did presentation after presentation, and I could not get traction. I was frustrated, but mostly furious.

That July, I stood in my kitchen, took my shoe off, and banged it on the kitchen island, yelling at my husband, “I’m f*****g going to make this work!” For reference on the shoe thing, look up Nikita Khrushchev banging his shoe at the United Nations.

Fast forward to August and I’m talking to a girlfriend about carpool. She asks what I’m working on. I tell her about Graduate! Unbeknownst to me, she was, and is, the co-founder of STAR House, an after-school education support program for elementary students in Title I schools, particularly those in ESL. At the time their programs were housed in apartment complexes.

Boom!

Maybe a week later, she called me back and asked if I could use $30,000 in my program as STAR House had lost one of their locations. I screamed, “YES,” and we decided to house it in the middle schools, using teachers as coaches (I decided to call teachers as coaches to indicate the different time of day and the difference in their function).

We had that program up and running in 2 weeks flat.

The middle school program ran for 16 years, until 2020 when COVID killed it. STAR House is now 33 years old and still serving elementary school students – in their schools. And continuing to provide agency for students and their families.

Agency isn’t always pretty. Exercising on behalf of others isn’t always smooth. But, I promise you, hand over heart, it always works – even if you don’t get to witness its success.

Another Kitchen Story

Ten-plus years later, I’m standing in my kitchen, arguing with my son about activism (which is all about agency). He says to me, “One person can’t change anything.” I stood there, hands on hips, looked him dead in the eye and said, “Say that to me again.” He stopped cold. I said two words: “Star House,” and that was that.

From “I Can” to “I Will”

Moving from “I can change this” to “I will change this”  is critical. It requires looking at our own circumstances, or someone else’s, and owning that we can have a positive impact on them.

I’m going to take a minute here and talk about the importance of little movements toward “I will change this.” Since January 2025, and the election of the person I refer to as Mango Unchained, I’ve conducted workshops and written posts about the importance of the little things we can do to move the needle towards maintaining and claiming our agency when we’re overwhelmed by the unconscionable actions taking place daily, along with the disruption and destruction of our government.

Every time we share a post by an underrepresented person, or donate money to a cause that supports the underserved, or make a phone call to a legislator, we are exercising our personal agency. We can change this by continuing to do the little things. When we take action together, like joining a demonstration, or using the 5 Calls app to make our view known to our representatives, we exercise collective agency.

And collective agency is unstoppable.

To make it clear, banging the shoe on the counter? That was the middle for me. The beginning, the “I can” moment, was my internal scream. Then there was a whole bunch of rejection on the way to the middle. But, after that middle? After I refused to give up? That was when I moved into full agency – the “I am going to f*****g make this work” moment.

When we exercise agency in our own lives, our example fosters agency in other people. When we praise someone for taking a risk (i.e., exercising agency), we acknowledge their agency. And, as the person takes more risks, and we recognize it with more praise, the person becomes more comfortable stepping into their agency. …and they set an example for the people around them.

Agency in the Public Eye – I can, so I will

One night, I was up late watching The Tonight Show. Kelly Clarkson was one of the guests. I thought her music was okay, but I always felt like something was missing from it.

Since I was curious, I stayed up to hear her. Her performance that night changed my mind. She sang Whole Lotta Woman. I didn’t even recognize her voice! The sheer power of that voice and the soul vibe of the song blew me away. At one point, I could have sworn I was listening to Aretha Franklin.

Fallon mentioned that this was Kelly’s first album with her new label. Her original American Idol contract had just ended – 12 years after she won the competition. I instantly realized why this performance was different.

Kelly Clarkson was performing as 100% Kelly Clarkson. Why? Because she could finally exercise full agency at her new label. She decides what she records and how she sounds – not the label. She now has total influence over her own voice and by extension, her career.

When Kelly was finally able to exercise agency over her career, it blew up even more. She reclaimed her right to own her talent and trusted in her ability to create her own unique sound. She had confidence that the change would work, and, if it didn’t, she knew she could tweak it.

Free Agency

Maybe you’re familiar with the concept of free agency in sports. For those who aren’t familiar with the concept, free agency occurs when athletes move from a fixed contract that ties them to a certain team where the team controls their future, to the athlete becoming an independent free agent with the ability to determine their own future. Free agency has been in effect since 1976, when a baseball player sued his team so he could have a say in where he played.

Free agency is a particularly powerful example of agency in action because it is mandated and enforceable through the contract system negotiated by player unions. And, I’ll bet you figured this out, unions provide sports players and many other workers with collective agency.

Agency: the Heart of Allyship

Agency is the keystone. It’s at the heart of being an ally who actively supports the rights of all people.

It’s also the beating heart of Ally Leadership, my leadership framework, as every one of the 10 Commitments of Ally Leaders is based on helping people claim (or reclaim) their agency, then supporting and protecting them as they exercise it.

When They Systematically Strip Your Agency

As we’ve witnessed over the last 15+ months, systems have been deployed to systematically strip agency from groups of people: women (the right to exercise agency over their own bodies), immigrants, whether citizens or not (the right to any agency at all, in any facet of their lives), and voters (the right to exercise agency in choosing who runs our government).

Stripping agency from entire groups of people is demoralizing – until their allies step up and use their collective agency to insist on the restoration of their agency.

In the workplace, agency is stripped when people are gaslit, othered, ignored and talked over in meetings, their ideas appropriated without credit. This isn’t accidental. It is purposeful and serves to maintain a blatantly unjust and inefficient status quo.

Here’s what I know to be true: We can only achieve equity in all facets of our society when people are able to freely exercise their individual agency, and communities continue to exercise their collective agency.

The resistance to the current regime has proven over and over again that collective agency is unstoppable.

Creating the middle school program was collective agency in action – a conversation about carpool, a woman dedicated to improving children’s futures, a non-profit willing to expand their work.

When we protest the illegal treatment of immigrants, we show them we believe in their agency, and we’re committed to helping them reclaim it.

When we support people as they unapologetically claim their accomplishments, we help them build a shield against gaslighting and imposter syndrome.

In both cases, those we support stop believing the system’s narrative and claim their own.

As a special education teacher, I was able to help students that other teachers had given up on claim their agency, perhaps for the first time in their young lives. I will never be prouder as a professional than when my principal commented in my last teaching evaluation: “Mrs. Berry’s students are not afraid to take a risk.” Those students? Fifth graders reading at a second grade level who were comfortable guessing and risking getting things wrong. They had learned to trust themselves, which only occurs when you own your agency – your ability to have an impact on your life.

Ally Leadership

All of the stories I’ve shared here are about more than agency. They’re about Ally Leadership and the Ally Leadership framework. When we step up and help others claim their agency, we are acting as ally leaders. We are committed to expanding and protecting the agency of others.

When we step up and say something when someone is othered, when we set an example of how to exercise personal, and collective, agency, when we protect people from retaliation when they exercise their agency, we are leaders – Ally Leaders.

I did this in 2004 for middle schoolers who didn’t even know what agency was and did the same five years later as a special education teacher.

And, I acted as an ally leader when I quit teaching and explained to my principal and the teachers at school why I was leaving: “I can’t work in a system that treats everyone in it poorly and I can’t change it.” I refused to work in an environment where no one had agency over their own excruciatingly hard work.

So, after 7 years in the education system, I left and became a coach 100% dedicated to supporting clients as they reclaimed their agency.

Here’s the thing.

Agency is our birthright.

Owning it, reclaiming it, and helping others reclaim theirs is the most important work I’ve ever done – and I’ve been doing it without knowing what to call it.

It’s the most important work you will ever do.

I can do something about this is the instigating statement that leads to I will do something about this.

Sometimes it starts with banging a shoe on a counter, screaming that this will work. Sometimes it starts with watching a news story and knowing that you must do something to help.

Sometimes moving towards agency is a big action. Many, many times it’s tiny actions and conversations that happen over and over that move both individuals and groups of people to affect change over oppressive systems.

Once we know how to claim our own agency, we know how to help others claim theirs.

Lead like a girl.

Never settle.

Becky