Y’all. I cannot even believe this. In three short months, we’ll usher in the 2nd quarter of the 21st century. We’re working hard to build a brand new world, and a brand new world demands and requires a different form of leadership.
As women continue to change the world, more of us must step into our power through our leadership. As I’ve doubled down on my commitment to coaching women through doing just that, I’ve realized that I’m not a fan of the phrase “servant leadership.” It feels very 20th century. As I’ve shared my ideas with others (particularly women and people of color), they agree and instantly understand why I’m putting forth a different form of leadership – Ally Leadership – based on both agency and allyship.
Allyship with other people, communities, and nations is what will move our world forward. And to demonstrate and promote the idea of allyship, we need Ally Leaders.
Servant doesn’t work for me
As a woman born and raised in the South, the word servant repels me instead of attracting me. It reminds me of enslaved people, maids, sharecroppers, tenant farmers, and the myriad ways in which people are forced to serve others against their will.
Servant leadership is generally based on the model of the teacher, Jesus. As someone who has a Christian background and has dedicated a great amount of time to studying the teachings of Jesus from a feminist perspective with various theologians, I realized that Jesus didn’t merely serve the people in the stories about him, he also offered them agency. He helped them in tangible ways (the miracles) that gave them agency where they had had no agency. And, he was there to support them as they moved into that agency – he was their ally.
I know several amazing, powerful people who identify as servant leaders. While they are all humble (a key ingredient of servant leadership), sometimes that humility tips over into modesty. Modesty is not the same as humility. It’s reactionary instead of action oriented. It’s more about not sticking out or coloring outside the lines.
Power “To,” Not Power “Over”
Also, generally, I’ve found that servant leaders are allergic to the word “power.” I do realize that many people are repulsed by the word. Of course they are because they’ve been exposed to the worst type of power – “power over.” This power is about control by promoting subservience, compliance, and deference. If foments microaggressions, bias, prejudice, and exclusion.
I didn’t fully realize how threatening the word power could be until one of my clients reacted so strongly to me using the word “powerful” to describe him that he (and his chair) shot back to the window in my office. For a second, I thought he was going to shoot right through the window!
As we dug into his reaction, we identified that he is repelled by the idea of power over and drawn to the idea of power to.
Power, Agency, and Allies
Interesting, isn’t it? Having the power to influence our own lives is the main tenet of agency. And our ability to exercise agency is elevated when leaders offer us tools and resources coupled with support and become our allies.
Every servant leader I know is both humble and dedicated to offering people agency. They’re not about doing things “for” those they lead. Instead, they’re about offering people a view of themselves that highlights their ability to have an impact on their own lives. And, they provide the tools and resources their people need as they learn to exercise their agency – they are their allies.
So, what is an ally? Merriam-Webster defines it as
Plus, they now include this statement:
Leadership and Agency
Since I was already disenchanted with the phrase, servant leader, it’s not much of a surprise that, while developing a leadership development program for women, I formulated a leadership model I call The 7 Commitments of Female Leaders.
As I thought, read, and wrote more about The 7 Commitments, I realized each commitment was based on acting as allies to those we lead; walking side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder, offering tools, resources, support, and strength to those we are privileged to lead.
Perhaps you can tell I’m passionate about the words ally and agency. That’s because this is what I do as a coach. Frankly, it’s the job. It’s my job to foster an unshakeable sense of agency in my clients. I become their ally as we dig through their experiences and excavate their wisdom.
Over and over, we talk about when they’ve exercised agency and how they can continue to exercise it to move seemingly immovable obstacles. We develop tools, including examples and strategies, they can use to examine and evaluate their experiences. It is my job and my honor to serve as their ally as I witness and validate their work and their lives.
Here’s the key.
As we begin to feel a strong sense of agency over our lives, it becomes easier to navigate through our work and our lives with confidence. It becomes natural to call on our agency in times of struggle.
And when we add an ally to the mix, someone who truly understands agency and how to support it? The times we struggle become less scary and lonely.
Women must have Ally Leaders.
It is of utmost importance for women to have leaders dedicated to helping them reclaim their agency. Why? So very many women, particularly women of color, have had their agency deliberately stripped from them in the workplace.
How can you feel like you have any sort of influence over your own life when you’re marginalized, gaslit, made to feel invisible and generally dismissed – regardless of your accomplishments? These women have been forcefully divorced from having any sense of agency.
Which makes it brutally hard and exhausting to even find the hint of a sense of agency in those dehumanizing environments.
Here’s what happens.
Energy shifts when Ally Leaders enter the equation. They bear witness to and validate the truth of the demeaning experiences their people have experienced. And they provide meaningful and useful tools (strategies), resources, and support as these women work to reclaim resuscitate their agency.
With Ally Leadership, all women thrive. Notice I used with instead of “under.” Under is a “power over” construct. With is a power to construct.
When we, as Ally Leaders, believe in and act on our own power and leadership, we both exercise agency over our lives and serve as models and allies to those we have the privilege to lead.
We have the power to influence behavior up and down the line, wherever we find ourselves.
As Ally Leaders, when we prioritize taking care of ourselves so we can lead without becoming exhausted, we show others how to exercise agency over their health and well-being. We are allies in the effort to maintain our mental and physical health.
Feeling Seen
Embracing agency only happens when people feel seen. When we recognize the unrecognized, we illuminate their value and offer them agency over their lives by providing resources, tools, and support. When they feel seen, people feel safer and the process of embracing their agency speeds up.
When we Ally Leaders are vulnerable in public spaces small and large, we offer women who are afraid to be vulnerable the possibility that they could be safe sharing their struggles.
And when they do share their struggles, we lift them up with tools, resources, and support as they make new choices – we offer them additional agency and become their allies.
We are Allies
When we use our power to lift others up, and support them as they’re lifted, we are allies.
When we work shoulder-to-shoulder with the people we lead, we demonstrate our power to affect and empower change.
When we speak truth to power, we’re Allies to the disempowered.
Ally Leaders provide and promote inclusion, equity, empathy, respect, integrity, trust, influence, and accessibility along with tools and resources for others to access. While we may not realize it, we also offer safety and freedom.
Every human being has the same birthright.
Safety can feel ephemeral. When Ally Leaders exercise their power to recognize the unseen and lift them up, the people we lead begin to feel safe. And, as we continue to see them and hear them and honor them, these marginalized humans begin to feel safe, and, perhaps, a little freer.
As Ally Leaders, we stand beside people on their journey. We’re there when things get scary, we’re there when it’s time to push through, and we’re there when it’s time to celebrate. Side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder offering tools, resources, and support along with guidance and agency through their struggle to reclaim every human being’s birthright – to be seen and appreciated for exactly who they are.